It's not goodbye, it's see you soon.

This is my story, of my life and feelings leading up to deployment #2, not only is this deployment #2 it is also the second time in this year that we have had to say "see you soon.."  The second time we have faced the D word... 2011 will be known for deployments in my family, both for goodbyes and hellos.  

Sept 21st- Here we are once again looking down the barrel of another deployment. By the time he leaves again he will have only been home 5.5 months.... These past 5.5 months have been a blessing and blessing that could have and should have been so so much shorter. If it hadn't of been for his back issues we would have said "see you soon" again months ago instead of in a few weeks. Is it so wrong to be thankful for something that causes my husband pain day in and day out? If it is then I am a terrible person, but that pain kept him from being sent to a place we would never want him to go, a place where each day would be spent in worry and fear.... A place that I pray for day in and day out for the ones who went.

Yesterday I was feeling the weight of this deployment. I was feeling the sadness and heaviness that comes from knowing we will have to watch him leave again in such a short amount of time and for such a longer amount of time this go round. In so many ways for me deployments are a weight I have to bare until his boots are on the ground and I am in his arms again. I literally carry it with me day in and day out. Homecomings are in many ways hard to describe if you are looking to express what you feel within. When KS came home in April I had no clue how heavy the pack was I was carrying but seeing him again lifted all of that. I was able to stand up straight, to breathe again... I could literally feel the difference within my body... the stress just lifts and seems to evaporate into the wind, but now the pack is back. I can feel it filling itself up with each passing day. I can feel the weight of it settling into my back and on my shoulders.... I can feel it settling in for the long haul. Some days pass and I can barely feel it it is just a paper that blows in the wind, one that I feel rustle along my back and other days... other days it feels as if I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, but this is how it goes. This is deployment. Some days you breeze through the day and its okay you think to yourself "I've got this no big deal..." and other days if feels as if you can barely function in this world... I am not looking forward to getting back into this cycle and while I am already starting to feel it it is nothing compared to while he is away...

Why, hello there.

It has been so long since I have graced this blog with my often infrequent ramblings that I actually had to go dig out the little piece of paper that has my password on it for this account. I couldn't even remember it... now whether that is a good thing or a bad thing I don't know. I know my family would say bad because I have been neglecting this blog and there for neglecting their updates for my family... my family and my sanity on the other hand my be saying THANK YOU, you needed the break. Plus writers block is an extremely sucky thing, it is like a sore that grows and grows until you cant even form words in your brain when you are staring at the laptop with your "New Post" open and it remains blank... and stays that way for months it seems. Oh well... it happens to the best of us.

Life around here is getting hectic again, as it does every September. You see we have celebrated two birthdays this month. Didn't know that did you? Well, our precious Cayleigh-Grace turned 3 on the 3rd, her golden birthday, and our first born turned 8.... today! Happy birthday Kiale!! School is in full swing around here and has been for a month now. I can say with great enthusiasm that it is going MUCH better then last year. Thank God for that!! Kiale is doing great. The first 2 weeks were rough but it has been smooth sailing since then. Coin is doing excellent and his teacher is wanting to have him tested for gifted because it is just too easy for him. The poor boy comes home telling me how bored he is in class on an almost daily basis, thankfully he has a amazing teacher who is going to start giving him extra work that is at an advanced level to try and keep his interest.

We have added something new to our schedules this month, Cub Scouts. The boys are finally old enough to join in the fun and they are loving it. Some nights it seems like added homework for KS and I but it is all worth it. Now if I would just get around to getting their patches sew on they would be really happy with me. ;-) They are starting popcorn sales this month so all family and friends out there please help support my two Cub Scouts, I will be sending emails today or tomorrow with the website where you can order popcorn. (hint, hint) A percentage of their sales goes to their troop and helps keep costs down for patches, dues, activites etc.

Army life... well sometimes I don't even know where to begin on that subject. Today marks a year since we arrived at this post. In so many ways the time has literally flown by. We have got a new house, been through a deployment, finished one school year and started another, and celebrated many birthdays already. Many people ask me what I feel about our current post and after being here a year I can honestly say that I am indifferent to it. I don't see anything bad about it but there is nothing great about it either. I am thankful for the lack of negative things here. It makes being here easier. We are close-ish to home and there are so many outdoor things to do around here it makes it very enjoyable. We are a pretty active family who enjoys hiking and out door activities and they are plentiful around here. The biggest thing that has happened recently was that KS was promoted. Yay, go KS!! Other then that it has just been life as usual.

My Ballerina

Cayleigh-Grace has started dance classes. Her first class coincided with the boys first week of school. She has one class a week and begs us non stop to take her more then just the one day. I think she would be thrilled with 2 days a week but at this point we are just going to stick to one. Here are a couple of pictures from her first day of ballet and tap class. To say she was excited is a drastic understatement. I have never seen my daughter so excited for something in her life. We couldn't get to dance class fast enough, and the rain boots... yea they are her FAVORITE fashion accessory right now. If she manages to leave the house without them on she is sad because "they miss her." The first think she said after her first dance class was "Dance class was super fun!"

First Day of School

Do you ever see a correlation between blogging and pulling teeth? That is what it has been like for me the past few months, I just cannot get myself to do it, but here I am... We are wrapping up our second week of school here and I must say it has been highly successful. The boys like their teachers and at this point I am very happy with them. We seem to be back into our school schedule and the transition from summer to school has been pretty seamless for the most part. Except for the usual, "I don't want to do my homework now..." etc. That goes without saying though. Here are the pictures from the first day of school. Kiale started 2nd grade and Colin started 1st grade, I cannot believe how big my boys are getting.

Blah

That is how I am feeling today, just plain blah. This morning was good and productive, registered the kids for school, took Kiale to his speech class, came home and KS made me lunch during his lunch break. It was nice, and this this afternoon I have just spiraled into a bad mood with 0 patience for the kids. Which always makes dealing with them so much harder, especially when the littlest things set you off... but oh well. We all have our good days and our bad days. I didn't work out this morning and that my have something to do with my attitude, although not the main reason. I just started back to working out after taking a month off. Back in late June I got really sick and was out of commission for almost 2 full weeks. Turns out I had a gallstone and I had a pretty serious gallbladder attack. I was too stubborn to go to the hospital for until KS told me I had to go 3 days later because I was yellow and clearly jaundice. Somehow I managed to have one large stone that ended up blocking my bile duct resulting in the jaundice. Let me tell you people, for those of you who have never had jaundice... it SUCKS. You itch, and I'm talking severe itching that doesn't stop. I would wake myself up in the middle of the night because I was scratching in my sleep. The itching lasted for almost two weeks and I thought I was going to loose my mind from it. Thankfully it subsided just in time for my sisters wedding July 9th!