Round 2

It has been a very long time since I have blogged. A lot of it has to do with motivation issues and even more to do with lack of inspiration. I just cant figure out anything decent to blog about. We are currently several months into our second deployment within the past year. I have to admit this deployment has gone much smoother then the past one. I haven't had any major issues with the kids. The Hubs is doing great and communication is amazing. I'm blessed to be able to talk to him every day with only the rare communication issue. This past holiday season was our first one apart since we became a couple 10 years ago. It wasn't great but it wasn't terrible either. We were able to skype with him from 0600 until about 1300 Christmas day. We are getting to the point in this deployment where CG asks when Daddy is coming home and then argues that he should come home Sunday and not when I tell her. She is getting impatient, and if my laptop is open she demands to be able to type on Skype whether the Hubs is on or not. The boys are handling it great and I am so please to say we have not had any of the anger issues we were having this time last year. The boys are also doing great in school, both of them have made straight A's all year which makes Mommy and Daddy very proud. I am hoping that the remaining months of this deployment continue to go smoothly and that the kids and I are able to remain patient and in good spirits.

Hopefully this recap will be the first of many blog posts from me in the future it is just hard to blog when I have nothing decent to say. I hate to bore everyone with monotonous posts since its rare we do anything out of the ordinary lately. Our days seem to be carbon copies of yesterday... I might need to do something to change that, any good ideas on how to get out of the deployment rut?

I will wait until you are home to have Christmas...

I miss you Honey, and we love you so much!! We are so proud of you, not too much longer baby and you will be home in our arms again! I love you KS.

It's not goodbye, it's see you soon.

This is my story, of my life and feelings leading up to deployment #2, not only is this deployment #2 it is also the second time in this year that we have had to say "see you soon.."  The second time we have faced the D word... 2011 will be known for deployments in my family, both for goodbyes and hellos.  

Sept 21st- Here we are once again looking down the barrel of another deployment. By the time he leaves again he will have only been home 5.5 months.... These past 5.5 months have been a blessing and blessing that could have and should have been so so much shorter. If it hadn't of been for his back issues we would have said "see you soon" again months ago instead of in a few weeks. Is it so wrong to be thankful for something that causes my husband pain day in and day out? If it is then I am a terrible person, but that pain kept him from being sent to a place we would never want him to go, a place where each day would be spent in worry and fear.... A place that I pray for day in and day out for the ones who went.

Yesterday I was feeling the weight of this deployment. I was feeling the sadness and heaviness that comes from knowing we will have to watch him leave again in such a short amount of time and for such a longer amount of time this go round. In so many ways for me deployments are a weight I have to bare until his boots are on the ground and I am in his arms again. I literally carry it with me day in and day out. Homecomings are in many ways hard to describe if you are looking to express what you feel within. When KS came home in April I had no clue how heavy the pack was I was carrying but seeing him again lifted all of that. I was able to stand up straight, to breathe again... I could literally feel the difference within my body... the stress just lifts and seems to evaporate into the wind, but now the pack is back. I can feel it filling itself up with each passing day. I can feel the weight of it settling into my back and on my shoulders.... I can feel it settling in for the long haul. Some days pass and I can barely feel it it is just a paper that blows in the wind, one that I feel rustle along my back and other days... other days it feels as if I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, but this is how it goes. This is deployment. Some days you breeze through the day and its okay you think to yourself "I've got this no big deal..." and other days if feels as if you can barely function in this world... I am not looking forward to getting back into this cycle and while I am already starting to feel it it is nothing compared to while he is away...

Summer is here!!

My kids are being wild and crazy today and I am fixing to take them all to the grocery store.... I may have just lost my mind. Although, KS would argue that I lost my mind 10 years ago when we started dating and then I really lost it when we wed 8 years ago. I like to argue that I was brainwashed ;-) Summer is in full swing in the south the heat is rising and the humidity won't let anyone forget its sticky presence. The saying you could cut it like butter couldn't be closer to the truth. I was under the assumption that the further south you got the hotter and more humid the weather was.... well folks let me tell you I was WRONG (yes KS I just admitted that, and don't expect it to happen again) Not only are we more inland then our original home we are also further north. Neither of which matters when it comes to heat and humidity...  chalk that up to a lesson learned.

I have been away from blogland for the past month and I must say it was a much needed break, May was busy. We finished up with reintegration with KS, Kiale and Colin had graduations and end of they school year ceremonies, as well as the start of T-ball season for both boys. Cayleigh-Grace decided that she wanted to test out the "terrible twos" for a little while and I read... a lot. Eight books total in May, and we went back home for a few days this past weekend.

Life on post is going good except for one MAJOR issue... they closed the pools. Their are two pools on post, one indoor and one outdoor. The indoor pool has been closed for a couple of years now due to renovations and now they decided to close the outdoor pool as well, I cannot help but wonder how many years it is going to take them to build a new outdoor pool and splash pad if it has taken them over two years to just renovate the indoor pool. Needless to say my water bugs are ticked off and their Mamma is as well. We already have two blow up pools for the backyard but they are no where near as fun as a normal size pool with a giant slide... but we will deal.

I do have several bog posts coming up as well as a product review from my new favorite brand of hot sauce Cholula! (They are amazing folks, go get some and try it. You WILL love it.)  Hopefully I can get back into the swing of things and get some steady posts coming out of this blog again. It has been too long since I was on here regularly.

1st week home

Since KS got home Easter Sunday a lot of stuff has been happening. The first couple of days were wonderful and honestly I don't think that accurately describes it. He went back to work on Wednesday and found out whats going to be going on for the next few months. He ended up getting the stomach bug that the kids and I had the week prior to his arrival on Thursday and spent the entire night throwing up and messing his back up even worse then it was before. He went to sick call for the second day in a row due to his back and the stomach bug and spent the entire day of Friday on quarters for 24 hours. He is supposed to have an X-ray done on his back, hopefully they will be able to figure out exactly what is wrong with it soon. We didn't do much of anything over the weekend other then spend time together as a family which was nice to do after a 3 month long break of it.

I have still been reading a lot and I managed to finish the last book in the Harry Potter series yesterday, its only the second time I have read them. I own all of them and I'm not really sure why I have only read them once. I forgot how good they were. I finally decided which E-reader I want to buy, I'm going to go with the Kindle.  The main reason is that I don't want to buy the Barnes and Nobel version and then us get transferred to Germany or somewhere outside the US and it not work. I haven't bought it yet but I am using the Kindle for PC to read the series I have just started and I will just transfer whatever books I have on my laptop to it whenever I finally get around to buying it.

May is going to be a good month for us, the kids are getting out of school and it will finally be the start to our summer!! We are hoping to make a trip back home this month and I am wanting us to take the kids to the zoo and the aquarium at some point this month as well. Hopefully I can get KS to agree to go. I have been dying to take them but I just haven't had a chance to go yet. Maybe we can go to one of them for mother's day this weekend.

The kids are doing good with KS home, Kiale is acting so much better and is not giving me anywhere near the problems he was giving me while KS was deployed. I'm hoping that this continues.

This is my 550th post, yay!

Roller Coasters

Roller coasters are something that I am not to fond of, I love the rush but I'm always paranoid I am going to fall out or loose my shoes and I'm small enough that whenever it dips or turns fast I come up off of my seat and it scares the living crap out of me. So needless to say they are not something that I frequently go on, but it is something that I live. Experiencing on a day to day basis. Some days the track is smooth and is lacking the severe drops and upside down loops that scare me so much, but on other days it feels like I am dropping two hundred feet going while going 100mph and lifting up out of my seat threatening to be thrown off. This is one of those days. This roller coaster that is our lives is giving us one hell of a wild ride and all I can do is close my eyes and hold on tight. I sit here on the couch typing this post while looking around my living/dinning room noticing the footlockers, the ruck sack, Kevlar vest and all of the other equipment that screams deployment. For now it means homecoming and that KS is home and safe, but I cant help but wonder for how long. The Army is notorious for changing plans and saying "hey you, go here!" without discretion. Every little bump and jolt on this roller coaster makes me appreciate my life and my husband more and more. There will be days, weeks, and months where all I have is longing and the ups and downs of deployment. Then there will be redeployment days where you are just thankful to have them home no matter how long they are able to stay with you. If you ever learn anything from being in the service its appreciation for those you love. You hold them a little tighter at night and you pick up their clothes breathing in as deeply as you possibly can savoring in their smell, the very essence of who they are because you never know exactly how long you are going to have them for. This lifestyle comes with so many different separations, the obvious being deployments, but not many people on the outside realize everything else that goes with it. You have schools, trainings, FTX, 24 hour duty, it is rare to be simply existing without the date of their next departure lingering in the background of your mind and thoughts. Its always there, but you learn to coexist with it. You learn to set aside the ticking clock and trade it out for the present, because that is what really matters. The here and now. Not the future. The future will be what it will be, but now, now is the time to embrace the things you love most in life. Its the time to hug a little tighter and love a little harder. Now, while you still can. In light of these things I think I'm going to tighten my belt a little tighter and hold on a little stronger and ride this roller coaster that is my life. Only God knows where it will go and how hard it will drop. The twists and turns that make up this life are not up to us, so I'm going to embrace them now and deal with whatever it gives me when it gets here. This is the life we choose and we are in for one hell of a wild ride. 

He is home!

Our Easter was amazing, Easter involved a homecoming, our first homecoming. KS is home and we are done with our first deployment. From the beginning of this deployment they kept bouncing around dates to return, we heard a year, then six months, then three months. No one really  knew exactly what was going to happen, and then on the 19th of March I heard it was a possibility, a rumor, that the guys were coming home after only 3 months there. Then on April 2nd I got the call, he was coming home in just a couple of short weeks. What I thought was going to be a 13 month deployment turned into 3. We are blessed beyond measure and I will treasure and appreciate every day we are able to be together that we, normally, would not have had if this deployment hadn't been cut short.

Yesterday was amazing, I got the kids up and it was business as usual. They had no idea what was in store for them just two hours after waking up. KS wanted it to be a complete surprise for them and asked me not to tell anyone and that is what I did. Cayleigh-Grace and Kiale got up first I fed them breakfast and started getting them dressed. I got the dress out that I bought over a month ago for Cayleigh-Grace to wear in June for R and R. As soon as she saw it she got all excited "Go pick Daddy up!?" she yelled. I just told her that since it was Easter I wanted her to wear her pretty dress she accepted it and put it on. Kiale got dressed and then finally Colin got up and got dressed. By that time it was 0930 and I was trying to get him to hurry up and eat his oatmeal but he really wasn't wanting it, so I just let him be done. By the time he went and got dressed it was 0945 and time to head out the door to pick up KS. I ended up going to the wrong side of the headquarters at first so I had to call him and figure out exactly where we were supposed to be picking him up. Once we got to the correct place I let the kids out of the truck and walked them over to the vans. They were so confused because they thought they were going to be finding Easter eggs. I told them to go find their big Easter egg and KS walked around the van. They just stood there staring at him. There was no running and jumping into his arms, there was just a lot of staring and disbelief. It took them a little while to realize that that really was Daddy. By the time we got home, about 10 minutes later, they were thrilled, and finally getting excited about having KS home. It took a little while for Cayleigh-Grace to warm up to him again but after a few hours she was Daddy's girl once again. The day was spent enjoying the presents KS brought back from Afghanistan and the rest of their Easter gifts.We spent the day laying around the house and just enjoying each others company once again.

I still cant believe that he is actually home. I never really got my hopes up about him coming home early, I mean, who ever hears of a deployment being cut short? I never let myself believe that he was really coming home and I was too scared to be crushed by the disappointment of it. Now that he is here I am just enjoying him being home. It has been 30 hours now and I cant help but think to myself that he is really here. Its like I am still trying to convince myself that he really is home and its not some figment of my imagination sitting here next to me on the couch.

If you are wondering why there is a lack of pictures on this post its because I didn't get any. Sorry.

From 3 to 4

KS and I have been batting around the idea of going from 3 to 4 kids recently. It started about 6 months ago when we decided that we did want one more child, then I decided no thank you during the month after he left, but now we are talking about it again. This time we are leaning far towards 4 rather then 3. The biggest question is when would be the right time. I know people that would argue there never is a "right" time and if you wait for that time it will never happen and I totally get that, but we want to be in the best financial standpoint possible this time around, and that takes planning. I want to be debt free, or as close to it as we possibly can. If I have my numbers crunched right we should be able to pay our truck of with our income tax money next year. That is really the only bill we have left and it is a huge chunk of our paycheck as well. If we are able to get that paid off I will be 100% okay with having another baby but a part of me still wants to wait until we sell our house back home as well. Its been for sale for about a month now and we haven't heard anything and with the market the way it is that doesn't surprise me one bit. Right now we have renters in it until it sells thank goodness but if those renters ever leave and we don't have our truck paid off we would be in big trouble from a financial standpoint. Then there is the issue of needing another vehicle. Thankfully my truck already seats 6 so it isn't at the top of the list for must haves but it is still on there. We would be using the profits from the house to buy a larger vehicle after it sells. So you see, my list of things that have to be done before we have another baby; 

1. Pay off the truck. 
2. Sell the house. 
3. Buy larger vehicle. 

The only requirement I have is to have the truck paid off before we have another baby the last two can come after and it wouldn't be a big deal. Like I said earlier KS and I are still talking about at this point but it is a nice thought, and we have been putting a lot of thought into it, or at least I have. Its kind of hard to figure out how much thought the he is putting into with him being deployed and all... Thankfully we paid off the rest of our debt with this years income tax money so we are in a good position to be debt free within the next two years. 

Silence

*I was supposed to publish this on the 30th... oops.* 

March has been a very busy month for us, the first 3 weekends were spent with a birthday party each Saturday, and then this past Sunday the 27th was my 26th birthday. Plus school with the kids, issues with Kiale... again, and Cayleigh-Grace displaying full on 2 year old behavior for a good two weeks make for one non blogging me. There have been several good things about this month, we are two months down in this deployment which means we are two months closer to seeing KS again! Yay!! Even though we still have a LONG way to go, but what can I say I like to look at the brighter side of things. I have been hitting the gym 5 out of the past 7 days and I am feeling great and sleeping better. Plus I hope to be in bikini shape by the end of the month (that being April not March) I am planning a beach trip and it cannot get here soon enough! I still cant believe its been 9 months since I last went to the gym, and I can feel it too. I am no where near in the shape I was in last June and I have a long way to go to get back there again, but I will get there.  I am crazy determined at this point. I know what I want and I am going to do everything in my power to get there. There were a few wonderful things that happened this month...

This is the AMAZING Reese's birthday cake that my dear friend Alicia made for me. It was DELICIOUS!!

Kiale decided that he wanted to start reading my books, this is him reading the first 4 pages of Eragon to Cayleigh-Grace. I had him trade it out with the first Harry Potter book since the words are quite as hard in those books.

This isn't a wonderful thing but it is kind of a funny thing... Cayleigh Grace decided that she wanted to stand on Kiale's back while he was leaning over the couch getting a book off of the bottom shelf of my bookshelf. She then proceded to fall into the bookshelf and give herself quite the goose egg and scratch. The first picture with her in the pink dress is from the 27th just a couple of hours post fall and the picture to the right is from 48 hours later and looking much much better.

  

This is by far the best thing that happened in March, Colin lost his first tooth on the 29th!!! I hadn't seen him so excited in what seems like ages, he was THRILLED to have finally lost a tooth, and the tooth next to it is already loose as well. Good thing the Tooth Fairy knows exactly how to get to our house. The bottom picture is from the next morning after the Tooth Fairy came and left Colin a dollar for his tooth in our special tooth lamb.

On hold.

You know how you feel when you have been waiting on hold for what seems like centuries. The elevator music playing in the background and your phone on the speakerphone setting while you fiddle around on facebook or walk around the house debating whether to unload the dryer or clean out the dishwasher. That slightly annoyed but still  complacent feeling you get, you know, before the severe annoyance of being on hold for half the day sets in. That is where I am at right now. I cant decide what I want to do or where I want to go. I feel as if my life has been put on hold and I don't really care enough to change it. It is a sucky unaccomplished feeling to have. Its a feeling that I want to change; I just don't have the drive to change it. Its like I don't care enough to change it. I am perfectly fine with the monotone colors my life has taken on since KS left, and that scares me. There are more nights now that I go to sleep and wake up with my eyes burning and red from crying the night before. I have no reason to cry we are blessed with excellent communication, we see/talk to each other daily and we are blessed beyond belief for that, and yet for two nights this week I have cried. When I stop and think about it deep down I believe it is the accumulation of many things, deployment included. I am fixing to turn 26, my husband is in the middle of a war zone, my parents prepaid for my collage and I have yet to take full advantage of it, I want to go to the gym and start working out on a near daily basis and yet I don't, I want to sew and let my creativity run wild with fabric and painting and yet I don't. I just cant find the drive to do it, and I cant help but wonder if I force myself into doing these things if it will all crumble b/c my heart isn't quite in it yet. I know and fully realize that 26 is young, but if I am going to be honest it is way closer to 30 then to 20 and that fact scares the crap out of me. I am afraid to age, I am afraid to look in the mirror one day and see someone I don't recognize. Vain I know but it is the God honest truth, I don't want to get older. There are so many things that I want to do and so many ambitions that I want to conquer and yet I just sit here on hold accomplishing nothing, and I don't even understand why. I don't get why I cant get myself to step up the the proverbial plate of life and take a swing . What am I afraid of?? Yes I totally flunked out of my college math class and I have no idea how I will pass it the second time around but I have got to quit using that as an excuse. It cannot be what holds me back any longer. I want to have a smokin' hot body when KS gets home from deployment, heck, I want to be looking good when he gets home on R&R. I don't want him to come home to the same old me, I want him to go back thinking damn she is lookin good, not oh well hopefully she starts doing something now. I want to start working towards my goals by first getting all of my basic college courses completed and passed. All I have left is my two maths and the final English and they will all be done, then I can focus on taking classes towards what I want to do with my life. Delivering babies and becoming a licensed midwife. I need to light a fire under my ass and get to it, enough with being on hold. I am going to drive myself mad if this continues. I want be able to hold my head up and be proud of myself instead of just being okay with my life and my accomplishments, and I want KS and my parents to be proud of me too. Aside from my kids they are the three most important people in my life and I feel like I am letting all of them, myself included, down and I am sick and tired of it. Starting Monday I am taking myself off of hold, I am calling the gym and getting Cayleigh-Grace registered with their daycare. I am going to call the people who hold my free college credits and see if I can even access them being out of state, and I am going to get my butt in gear and start doing something with my life.

Distance

Feeling the distance tonight in a really big way. Some days you just cant help but miss them in ways that seem to overtake everything else in life. Sometimes you just want your husband in your arms and to be able to say screw the mission, but this mission is what is important. It is what makes the difference and keeps people safe. Our sacrifice now is what makes the difference later, its what they are there for and what we are here at home for. 99% of the time I am good, I am functioning, and I am able to deal. Tonight is not one of those nights, but tomorrow is a new day. 

Skates and Elephants

For starters I want to give a shout out to my wonderful husband,  

Happy 8th wedding anniversary Honey! I love you!!  

Now, on to our feature presentation of 

Skates and Elephants.

Our weekend was awesome, it started off with a birthday party at the skating rink. We brought Kiale's roller blades and Colin, Cayleigh-Grace and I just got skates from the rink. The kids loved it. Cayleigh-Grace had a hard time accepting the fact that she could not do it. She just isn't coordinated enough to skate. She had never come across something could not do before. I ended up carrying her while I skated back to where the party was being held while she held her face in her hands and cried, "I cant do it" it broke my heart. I think she is going to be sensitive like I was.

Immediately following the skating party we headed down the road to see the Greatest Show on Earth. It was wonderful. We met some friends of ours there and all the kids (Moms included) had a blast. We were trying to get there early enough to make it to the pre show, but it just didn't happen. We got to our seats and a couple of minutes later the pre show ended. It was just too crazy and hectic trying to get from the party and to the circus within 15 minutes, it ended up taking 30. Thankfully the kids didn't want to go down to the pre show anyway. They wanted to stay in our seats so they could just watch what was going on. They knew if we had gone down there we wouldn't' have been able to see what was going on. There was just too many people down there. Right before the show began I took the boys out and got drinks for us to enjoy during the beginning. Here is the opening act. Which just happens to be one of my favorite parts of the entire show. I just love the music and it always manages to get stuck in my  head for hours after I hear it.

Once the show began and the kids got settled I waited on a slow part to head out and get some goodies. I ended up getting each of the boys a snow cone cup, Kiale got a tiger and Colin got an elephant. I also grabbed a bag of cotton candy, you just cannot go to the circus and not get cotton candy. Its the best! Cayleigh-Grace was getting fussy on and off during the performance, I cant imagine why we had only  had once heck of a busy day... she had finally settled down after going from her seat to mine when the people in front of us (well the lady) turned around and yelled at her for kicking her seat. I had no idea she was doing it. The lady kept yelling at her and said "I cant fill with you kicking my seat, stop it!" I didn't even have time to say anything to the lady Cayleigh-Grace went into hysterics right away. I just picked her up out of her chair and rocked her until she calmed down. Thankfully it was so loud in there she wasn't really bothering anyone. At that point I wouldn't have cared if she was I was in shock that that woman yelled at her like that. I don't even talk to her like that... anyways she finally calmed down except for her body jumping every few seconds b/c of her sniffling and trying to catch her breath. Eventually she fell asleep. She slept clear through intermission and through the rest of the show. While she was sleeping the concession clowns came around selling things and I bought Cayleigh-Grace this pink light up wand that spins around.

to the clown. The boys thoroughly enjoyed the show. They kept yelling over the music, "Did you see that?" "That was so cool!!" I already told them we would go next year if it is in town again. The circus is just too good to miss, and our seats were great! I loved where we were at. After the show we headed to the main concession so the kids could pick out some goodies to take home with them. Colin picked out a sword with a sheath like Kiale had got last year when we went before we moved. Kiale got a white tiger stuffy. He wanted one to keep his cheetah stuffy company. We got the cheetah when we took the kids to the zoo when I was five months pregnant with Cayleigh-Grace. Cheety as he is affectionately known as around here has become a fixture on Kiale's bed ever sense. Cayleigh-Grace wanted an elephant. The elephants were her favorite part of the show, unfortunately she missed their main feature since she had cried herself to sleep (dumb... stupid... mean woman....) Thankfully she was able to see them in the opening act and when they played the national anthem. I will admit this every time I hear the national anthem I start tearing up. It seems that that song, among others, is hardwired to my tear ducts now. Guess when you have a husband deployed in a war zone it makes you appreciate things like that so much more. At the end of the day we were all happy and thrilled to have had not

only such a busy day but a magical day as well. Everyone was happy. Once we got home I was exhausted, to the point where it wasn't even 7 O'clock yet and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. I ended up ordering Chinese from this place off post that KS swore by. I hadn't tried it yet but he kept tell me it was so much better then my usual delivery place. He was right, it was delicious! We will definitely be ordering from them again, it was great. Almost as good as the Chinese back home. As soon as we were done eating I put the kids to bed and tried to wait on KS so we could skype but I just coudln't do it. I ended up going to bed and getting an email from hem asking where I was. I was just too tired to hold my eyes open any longer. It doesn't help that Cayleigh-Grace had woke up at 0630 that morning. She doesn't even wake up that early on school days...  at the end of the day it was a great day and I wouldn't change anything... we except for the lovely woman who thought she could yell at my daughter. Yes, I am still bitter about it.

See Ya February!!

February has been a crazy month for us, and blogging has been the absolute last thing on my mind. It had got to that point where I would sit down to blog and it would feel like shoveling 6 feet of snow. So, in light of that I decided to take a bloggy break. Except for the random Music Sunday posts that were already previously scheduled, but hopefully I will be able to get back into the swing of things now. While being a crazy busy month February was also a good month. We celebrated having completed one full month of deployment!!! A few more months and I will actually be able to count these deployment months down without having to use my toes. Yay! These past two weekends were spent visiting family and enjoying my youngest sister's high school pageant. I also managed to put over 1,500 miles on my vehicle traveling between my home on post and my home back home, but it was well worth it and lots of fun! Pictures and more post about our crazy month of February coming soon!! 

Music Sunday Week 4

Deployment Goals

I have two main deployment goals to begin working towards:

1.Getting my Childbirth Educator certification.
2.Getting my Lactation Consultant certification.  

       I fully realize that these two goals could very well take a couple of years to accomplish, but it is something that I would like to begin working towards. Cayleigh-Grace is not going to be home with me forever, she will be starting school the year we move and I would like to be prepared to get a job while the she and the boys are in school. 

Then there are the many smaller and less life changing goals that I hope to accomplish.

1. complete the many quilts that I have in various stages of completion.
2. Make the quilts that I have had the material to make for the past couple of years.
3. Go to the Gym on an almost daily basis. 
4. Join a Pilates, and an Ultimate Ab class.  
5. Work on cardio and strength training big time. 
6. Work on creating a nice garden area around the house and in the back yard. 
7. Read at least 52 books while KS is gone. (So far I have already read 4) Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn.
8. Purchase Cayleigh-Grace's new dresser as well as a headboard or full bed frame for KS and I's bed.
9. Work on my photography. 
10. Research becoming a doula. 
11. Sell our house back home. 

Knowing me I will be continuously adding to this list as the time goes on, but this is a good starting point. I am actually looking forward to going through this list month by month to see how it will grow and to watch myself mark things off bit by bit. 

well...

• I have four posts in draft that are almost finished (actual decent posts that are about something rather then random bullet points).
• Countless "picture of" posts that are not even almost close to being done. 
• Everyone is healthy and has been for a week. 
• I thank God everyday for Skype and Email.
• CYS registration is complete... well minus orientation, one of which I missed today. It helps if the lady tells you AM or PM when she says be there at 7 tomorrow. I assumed she meant PM... well, we all know what assuming gets you.
• I went to counseling last week, Kiale also went to counseling last week. Gotta love the Military Family and Life Consultants.
• New schedules around the house have changed this house from chaos to peace... well as peaceful as possible with 3 kids and a deployed husband.
• Lots of sewing projects in the works. Now if I can just find the drive to get them started and actually complete them... maybe I should finish the ones I have started first. That might be the better idea. 
• Kiale is finally enjoying reading!!! 

My Week

*I was supposed to post this on Saturday but the week just got away from me, so here it is today... Thursday. Oops.

 Saturday-Monday

I guess you could say that my week really started out on Saturday at about 3o'clock in the afternoon or 1500 whichever you prefer. Colin came down the stairs saying he wasn't feeling well. After going through the usual, what hurts? Let me feel your head I realized he had a fever. So, what did I do... I quarantined him. He was stuck in his room all of Saturday afternoon and all day Sunday in an effort to keep the sickness contained to one child. The poor boy had a nasty fever which developed into a cough that lasted the entire week. Needless to say he did not make it to school Monday. Have you ever noticed that kids get sick at the worst times. Since Colin had the fever so bad I had to keep him home, which meant that he missed the 100 day celebration at school. Instead he spent the majority of the day laying on the couch watching movies with Cayleigh-Grace while I read (Eclipse... again). Cayleigh-Grace on the other hand did not have such a relaxing Monday. She always takes her naps around 3 in the afternoon, but when I told her to go upstairs to her room so we could clean it I found her in bed covered up telling me she was going night night. Right then and there I knew it, but I was still holding out hope. Until she woke up at 3:30 with a blazing fever. Colin was all better and now Cayleigh-Grace was sick... lovely.   

Tuesday

 On Tuesday Colin returned to school and Cayleigh-Grace spent the entire day laying on the couch curled up with me, she was extremely sick. I'm not really sure who had it worse her or Colin, although all Colin got out of it was the fever and a nasty cough. Cayleigh-Grace got the fever, cough, and a full on head cold to top it off. There were some good parts to Tuesday, Kiale lost his 6th tooth, and my best friend from Jr-Sr high school sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers to cheer me up since KS left for his first deployment.

Our sickie-poo

What my dinning table looked like when I went to bed on Tuesday.

 Wednesday

On Wednesday Cayleigh-Grace was still really sick and just not up to her normal tempo. Still laying around the house being pretty lethargic and not really wanting to do anything other then watch TV and cuddle. Which was fine with me, I was wanting to finish reading Breaking Dawn anyway. At about 1pm I received a text from Kiale's teacher saying he had a tummy ache but nothing else. So after texting her back twice she said he was fine and not to worry about it. All I could think was please don't let Kiale get sick too... So, I get to school and pick the boys up. Kiale is holding his stomach saying that it hurts and he wants to go lay down. Okay no big deal I though, maybe he just needs to go potty or something. Thirty minutes after we get home I walk downstairs and see this... 

Yes, that is him, asleep.

I ended up carrying him up the stairs into his bedroom, all the while wishing KS was there to carry him. 50lbs of dead weight is not lite. He ended up sleeping from about 4 O'clock until 7:30. Once he woke up I discovered the inevitable, he had the fever, and it was blazing. He only managed to stay up for an hour before he crashed again. Thankfully the day did end on a good note, Cayleigh-Grace was fever free by the end of the night and she even went to bed without her paci!! Yes, that is right I said it, without her paci, and she only cried for about five minutes before she went to sleep. This is HUGE for her, and I couldn't be happier. (and as of this post finally going live she is still paci free at night!!)

Thursday 

Thursday was Kiale's day to stay home from school and I ended up having to have a friend come over and watch him because it was awards day at school, and I couldn't miss my little man getting an award. Even if it was only for meeting standards. As my Mom would say, photo opportunity. 

Friday

By Friday everyone was finally healthy or at least healthy enough to be out in public. Colin and Cayleigh-Grace were still hacking up a storm with their coughs, but they were well enough to be around people so I jumped at the opportunity to go see the clowns that were visiting post. The kids loved the show that they put on, I don't think I have ever seen Cayleigh-Grace laugh at people so much in her life. It really was a treat and a wonderful way to end a very rough and nasty week.                                                             

Feelings

I cannot help but find myself laughing at people on facebook sometimes. Its not me being mean its just the reaction to the lifestyle that I am growing accustomed to. People will say how they miss their hubbys while they are at work during the day. I totally get that I was the same way, when KS was working I couldn't wait for him to come home. The afternoons and weekends where my favorite parts of the day, and on those special days when he would be home for lunch were made just that much better, but now... now it is totally different. Life is different, it is empty in so many ways. I guess that is really the best way to describe it. You see I am one of those women who loves their husband more then their children. That sounds terrible doesn't it? I promise I love my kids more then life itself and I would lay down my life for them in an instant but it is different with KS, when we wed it was till death do you part. I believe I will always love him more, but that is the way it was meant to be isn't it? If you loved your children more then your spouse, your soul mate, then there would be something seriously wrong with your relationship. When we had our children we knew that eventually they will find loves of their own and start their own lives away from us, have children of their own, and then the cycle will repeat. Children only spend a short amount of time with us, 18 years (give or take a few) it is such a short period of time in contrast to the lifetime I plan to spend with KS, and yes our children with be here long after we are dead and buried. We will love our children every day of our lives, but I do not want my children to be dependent upon me their entire lives. I want them to grow and succeed on their own, without our help. Of course we would help them however they needed it (within reason) but I want them to know that they can survive without us, I do not want their lives to revolve around us to the point where they think they have to depend upon us for everything. Anyways... tangent over... with KS gone there is definitely this part of me that is empty. It is truly the strangest feeling, this feeling of longing, sadness, loving, and emptiness all mixed in together to form one cohesive emotion. The best way to describe it would be that it feels like I have this numbness in my chest that just wont go away. Sometimes I don't notice it as much as others but it is always there. Its strange really. I have a feeling it will magically disappear in about a year when KS is home with us again and this deployment is behind us, but for now it will remain where it is.

Disgruntled Kids

I think the title of this post pretty much sums up my boys right now. They are learning some pretty harsh lessons that I would rather them learn now rather then later. They are not happy about this at all. You see I am tired of them mouthing off to me and not listening to anything I say. I am over Colin being sloppy on his homework just because he doesn't want to do it, and I am tired of Kiale being down right rude and hateful to me on a near constant basis. Colin has no excuse when I ask him about it, he knows I am right, but Kiale has one HUGE excuse that I am not going to put up with anymore. His excuse? "Because Daddy is gone." Well guess what, I get that and I understand that yes it sucks that Daddy had to leave for a year, but you know what... get over it. Every single time he does anything wrong or steps out of line he throws that excuse in my face. I will not put up with this behavior for the next year, "because Daddy left." It just isn't going to happen, all this does is show them that if they can give me a good enough excuse they can get away with anything. They were wrong. Take tonight for example, we decided yesterday that we were going to do dinner and a movie tonight. We finished homework and I told the boys to clean their rooms, that they did, but here is where it went downhill. I told Kiale to read 2 chapters from his book. He didn't do it. It wasn't until 30min later that I asked him if I needed to quiz him that he told me he couldn't find his book. This being the book he showed me 30min earlier.... he said he hid it from Cayleigh-Grace and now he couldn't find it, but amazingly enough with the threat of bed without dinner he found it right away. Isn't it funny how that happens? After finding the book it spiraled into the whole why do I have to read, I hate reading argument. I do not know how to get him to enjoy reading the way I do. Anyways, after lots of yelling at me I told him he was not allowed to watch the movie tonight. Then Colin shoved Cayleigh-Grace while she was standing on the stairs so he also lost his movie privilege tonight. I think I went back on threats too many times throughout the years and now they just don't care about my threats anymore. Now I get the lovely task of making them (Kiale in particular) respect me again. Which basically means that they hate life right now because I am following through on every single threat and punishment I make at them. Hopefully they get the point pretty soon... and if not, I just hope we are able to find a balance again. I miss balance.

Day 2, check.

Shortly after this morning began we hit the 24 hour mark since we watched his bus pull away. It was kind of nice knowing that we survived the first day and we will survive the rest of them as well. The kids went back to school today, and I managed to get fussed at for going down the school hallway by one of the teachers. I just needed to let Kiale's teacher know why he was absent yesterday since I forgot to put a note in his backpack and one of the teachers made me wait in the hallway and made Kiale's teacher walk all the way down just so I could talk to her. It wasn't a big deal, but it was just enough to annoy me.

I am already starting to plan R&R... crazy I know.. KS wants to go home to see our family while he is back so I figure we can have him fly into Orlando instead of here and we can hit Disney World for a couple of days then drive up to see our family. Then spend the last week or so here at home. I have to clear all of this by him though of course, and since he is not interested in Disney at all it might not work out that way, but we will see. Either way the kids and I will be going to Disney World this year. I want to take advantage of the 3 day park hopper passes I can get through the Army. I just have to decide how many days we want to take advantage of. I have a feeling I know exactly what he will say... "Disney? Yea, you have fun with that." Which translates into sure you can go, but I'm not in KS speak.

The kids seem to be handling everything pretty well today. Kiale is doing a little better, he is handling it the worst which I am not surprised about since he is the oldest. He understands time a lot better then Colin and Cayleigh-Grace does. It is very lonely with him gone, and very quiet... well as quiet as it can be with three crazy children in the house. The lack of near constant adult interaction is something that I already miss very much. I spent the day yesterday reading Twilight (again) I managed to get through 390 pages and I plan of finishing it today and starting New Moon. Whenever I need an escape and a distraction these are the books I go to. It is just so easy to get sucked into them. Cayleigh-Grace ended up playing playdoh ALL day today. I don't think I have ever seen a child play with it for so long. We also managed to watch all three of the Rainbow Brite DVD's that we have, two of which are the seasons. She loves those movies, they are by far her favorite thing to watch right now. I need to pull out my She'ra DVDs for her to watch next. Gotta love 80's cartoons, they were the best!