Roller Coasters

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Roller coasters are something that I am not to fond of, I love the rush but I'm always paranoid I am going to fall out or loose my shoes and I'm small enough that whenever it dips or turns fast I come up off of my seat and it scares the living crap out of me. So needless to say they are not something that I frequently go on, but it is something that I live. Experiencing on a day to day basis. Some days the track is smooth and is lacking the severe drops and upside down loops that scare me so much, but on other days it feels like I am dropping two hundred feet going while going 100mph and lifting up out of my seat threatening to be thrown off. This is one of those days. This roller coaster that is our lives is giving us one hell of a wild ride and all I can do is close my eyes and hold on tight. I sit here on the couch typing this post while looking around my living/dinning room noticing the footlockers, the ruck sack, Kevlar vest and all of the other equipment that screams deployment. For now it means homecoming and that KS is home and safe, but I cant help but wonder for how long. The Army is notorious for changing plans and saying "hey you, go here!" without discretion. Every little bump and jolt on this roller coaster makes me appreciate my life and my husband more and more. There will be days, weeks, and months where all I have is longing and the ups and downs of deployment. Then there will be redeployment days where you are just thankful to have them home no matter how long they are able to stay with you. If you ever learn anything from being in the service its appreciation for those you love. You hold them a little tighter at night and you pick up their clothes breathing in as deeply as you possibly can savoring in their smell, the very essence of who they are because you never know exactly how long you are going to have them for. This lifestyle comes with so many different separations, the obvious being deployments, but not many people on the outside realize everything else that goes with it. You have schools, trainings, FTX, 24 hour duty, it is rare to be simply existing without the date of their next departure lingering in the background of your mind and thoughts. Its always there, but you learn to coexist with it. You learn to set aside the ticking clock and trade it out for the present, because that is what really matters. The here and now. Not the future. The future will be what it will be, but now, now is the time to embrace the things you love most in life. Its the time to hug a little tighter and love a little harder. Now, while you still can. In light of these things I think I'm going to tighten my belt a little tighter and hold on a little stronger and ride this roller coaster that is my life. Only God knows where it will go and how hard it will drop. The twists and turns that make up this life are not up to us, so I'm going to embrace them now and deal with whatever it gives me when it gets here. This is the life we choose and we are in for one hell of a wild ride. 


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