Letting go and living in the now...

Thursday, May 22, 2014

It has been over two years since I last posted to this blog and I have to admit looking back I'm amazed that it's only been two years, it feels like we have lived an entire lifetime instead. Isn't it strange how time does that to you? There you are living in the moment and then as if in a single breath your looking back and nothing is the same, neither you nor your circumstances, and it seems as if you are looking back though a haze trying to get a grasp on reality. That is where we are now.

It's amazing how difficult writing some statements can be. It's just a single sentence, shouldn't be that hard to do...  but in writing those words and putting them out there it's as if, in seeing them on the screen it will make them true and I will finally have to believe it and start accepting reality for what it is. You see I am still in denial. I will admit it, it's true. I don't want to believe that a chapter of our lives that had so many ups and downs is finally over. You see, our time as a military family has come to a close. As of three months ago my husband's status went from active duty to medically retired... and I am having the hardest time letting go and coming to terms with the fact that what was supposed to be a 20 year long journey full of adventure and new experiences is over. I wasn't ready to let go of that chapter in our lives, truth be told I'm still not, but I'm trying to.

I am hoping that though writing again I can start to come to terms with the now and begin to accept reality for what it is and learn to embrace living in the civilian world again. In a lot of ways I wish I had hated the military life, it would have made this transition so much easier to work though, but instead I loved it. I grew so much as a woman, a wife, and a mother during our short four and a half years that I was really embracing life and all it had to offer. Now I feel, in all honesty, like I don't fit in... like the outsider just trying to meld back into everyday life. I hope that in the next few months I will find my stride and finally reintegrate back into life without constantly thinking about what could have been and what was. It's hard to embrace the present when you are holding on so tightly to the past and I need to start living in the here and now... It's a very blessed place to be.

There are so many opportunities opening up for our family we continue to be amazed and humbly grateful. Things could have been so much harder for us transitioning out of the military but instead it was, emotions aside, a very smooth process filled with blessings and support and I will admit, I can't wait to see what the future holds for my family. I really think God was laughing when I set my heart to a 20 year journey in the Army. I can see him up there shaking his head and saying girl, this is just the beginning...

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11




1 comments:

edshunnybunny said...

I often wondered what ever happened to you and your family! I'm sorry things didn't work out as planned, in the army, but I believe when one door closes, another one will open. Have faith, things will work out, just not how you thought they would. ((Hugs)) Kathy

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