Labor Views - Part 3 *Fighting the Process, Part A*

Embracing the process vs. Fighting the process

I know from experience both times I labored and gave birth in the hospital, I had a strong since of panic and urgency throughout the pushing phase of labor....

With Kiale I labored most of the time, including transition, in a car. A small bit of time in the vacation cabin my grandparents own and about 30min in my own home. Of my 5 hour labor with Kiale 2 hours of it was in the Oldsmobile Cutlass that we owned at the time. I do not recommend that. Being strapped into a car during labor is just not a good place to be, much like being strapped into a bed in the hospital. I don't recommend it, it increases your pain levels. We arrived to the hospital at 7:30 he was here by 8:55. It was an hour and a half of panic and more pain then I care to discuss, but looking back on it I realize that if I had taken charge of my labor I could have lessened the pain. They did the usual when I arrived, checked me for dilation (I was 7), IV, monitors, paperwork (which we finished post delivery) All of this because I was fighting the process, I would hold my breath and not breathe during contractions to try and keep the pain from coming. I do not recommend it.

With Kiale I was fighting the process, which resulted in extreme pain and discomfort and with Colin I let my body do what it needed to do as a birthing vessel and I succumbed and embraced the process. By doing so my pain was cut in half since I was not trying to hold my body back from doing what it needed to do. During my labor with Kiale I tried to get myself into every possible position to try and relieve the horrendous pain I was feeling, there is no sugar coating that labor, it just plain hurt. I had extreme back labor with him, it did not matter what laboring position I got in with him, nothing relieved the back pressure and pain I felt with him. So much of that pain was caused by me, fighting the process and attempting to hold my body back from what it naturally knew how to do. As soon as I layed down in that bed my pain levels skyrocketed with both of their labors. It was just like sitting in the car, and it was horrible. If I had been able to walk, sway, anything other than be in the position that I was in things would have been so much easier and I would have been far less frightened, but being 18 and 19 years old and pregnant I didn't know what to research, and I didn't know what to do other than just listen to the nurses and doctors and follow every instruction that they said to do, because "they new what was best." Yes, I read all the books but those books aren't necessarily what is best I have come to find out...

Leaving...

I do not know how I am going to react to KS leaving, I do not know how I am going to react on the outside or on the inside. Everyone just keeps telling me that, "oh you have to be strong for your kids,"or "they will feed off of you..." blah blah blah. I know that I get that, but that still doesn't help me. Yes I will be a single (but yet married) mother very soon, and I realize that how I react to KS's leaving will set the stage for how our children will react and will remember this time. No, I do not want them to remember Mommy not getting out of bed, or Mommy crying at the drop of a hat, but I cannot help but worry that that is exactly what is going to happen. I am a strong woman, I will admit that, and I can be a bit of a hard ass at times, but the person that I will become without my rock here I do not know.

KS has been my rock and my stability since I was 15 years old. We will be celebrating our 9 year anniversary in January, 9 years since we went on that fated field trip to the museum. 9 years since we first held hands on that bus, and 9 years since we knew we would be together for the rest of our lives. You see, KS and I had been dating 3 months when we decided that we would get married. 3 months. That was all it took to know that we completed each other, and now here we are facing the first of many separations... what will we do without each other?

KS and I together truly make a whole person, I am the outgoing lets go, lets go, lets go type, and he is the calm more anchored one. Were he is one way I am the opposite. When they say that opposites attract they couldn't have got closer to the truth. Although, though the years I think KS and I have become balanced though the experiences we have had growing and being together...

Wouldn't it be nice to have a little looking glass to be able to gaze into the future to see what it holds for you? I do not know how I am going to react to my other half leaving me for such a long time... thank goodness he gets to come home for Christmas. At least we will be able to break ourselves in slowly to no having him home with us every day. We will see him for two weeks then, and then again in February. Its once he starts school that I am really worried about... but as I always say... " I will deal with that when it gets here." My powers of denial are great and many, if I do not want to deal or think about something all I have to do is turn it off in my brain and all is well. Thank goodness, I don't know what I would do if I was a worrier... Thank you Lord for not making me like that, I would probably loose my mind.

Nap Time Quilts

This is what I did during nap time today... cannot wait to finish it this weekend. We are going to need it during soccer season! It is going to be about the size of a twin comforter, perfect for our family of 5 during practices, games, and picnics! (not to mention the beach!!) Notice the color theme? =)

Changes

Once you or your spouse joins the armed forces is their something in your brain that just clicks? With KS leaving in just a few short months I have found myself changing. I find myself looking through different eyes at this world we live in. I see everything through an entirely different perspective now, a better perspective. I don't just see our everyday life anymore as some mundane thing going from this day to the next. I see it as lives with a purpose, lives with a goal that will only be achieved with us standing together and working together as a family.

Our world has gone from the usual 9 to 5 rut that so many people find themselves in to a 9 to 5 where every moment must me enjoyed and appreciated. Everything that goes through my head now gets looked at and processed differently. I am no longer worried about offending people and turning them down for things that would take me away from Kiale and away from having our family as a whole during these short months that he will be with us before he leaves for basic training and then AIT school.

I no longer just "kiss" my husband, when I kiss him now I actually take the time to enjoy it, to savor and remember the feeling of his lips touching mine. I don't even remember the last time I took the time to really feel what he lips feel like touching mine, when your husband is there with you every day there are those things that become routine, so unimportant. They don't change and you loose track of how important they truly are, its those simple things that I will miss the most.

There are so many things that I took for granted before, and now knowing that KS will be leaving in 2.5 months and will only be home maybe (if we are lucky) a total of a month between November of this year and September of next year, I find myself just wanting to savor and hold on to every moment between us.

Texting While Driving Video

This video is causing a lot of stir, but I love it. My family has lost 5 people to traffic accidents and I think texting or even using cell phones without a hands free device is ridiculous. It just shouldn't be done. It is quite graphic, but I think it definitely gets the message across. If my kids were older I would make them sit down and watch it. I honestly believe that any person going to renew or get their first license should have to sit down and watch this video.

For Sophie

Here is another blanket all finished! I love the colors on this one.

First Day of School

Well the school year has begun, and thankfully it went off without a hitch! Here are pictures from this morning. I still cannot believe that I have a kindergartner, it just doesn't seem possible. My baby is fixing to turn 6... it just doesn't even sound like any sort of reality. The boys had a wonderful day and were thrilled to come home and tell me how everything went today. They have some of their friends from last year in their classes. With such a small school that was bound to happen. There are 2 K-5 (Kindergarten) and two K-4 classes this year. I am thrilled to say that Kiale only has 11 kids in his classroom, how wonderful is that! I think Colin has around 14, I honestly forgot to count.

Not Me Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not wash my husbands cell phone and fry the computer inside it most likely during the wash cycle in my washing machine. This is in no way my fault as Kiale knows I do not check pockets!! Thankfully we have a spare phone laying around for times like this.

I did not burn two of my fingers making bows so bad that they blistered immediately.

I did not get up early just to order Cayleigh-Grace one of the Baby be Blessed dolls for Christmas. I am not beyond excited to see her open it up at Christmas. It will be personalized and created just for her!


My daughter did not get woken up from her nap by the rain and then proceed to cry every time the rain got harder. I am not worried that she is going to be afraid of the rain now.

Cayleigh-Grace did not go around sporting red toes after I finally painted her toe nails for the first time. I did not have to go back and scrape of the polish that was on her actual toes do to wiggly feet.

Colin did not tell Cayleigh-Grace not to play with the cactus's that are in our yard when we were playing outside yesterday.

Kiale did not learn how to ride his bike minus his training wheels. Kiale and I are not super proud of him for learning and doing such a good job!

K-4 & K-5 Orientation

Well orientation went great. Both of the boys have wonderful teachers, Mrs. B who was Kiale teacher last year is Colin's teacher this year. Mrs. C is Kiale's teacher, Kiale and I requested her and were so pleased to actually get her this year. Their classrooms are right next to each other so that will make picking up and dropping of really easy. The boys go to meet their classmates and sit in their seats as well as find their cubbyholes. There are some good rule changes for this upcoming year they can wear any color polo shirt which is nice, although I did always like the red, white, and blue uniform code. At least this way there will be more of a variety in their clothing choices. I am really looking forward to Monday, I know the boys are going to have a blast. I still cannot get over the fact that I am going to have a Kindergartner and a K-4er.

I Got One!!

I am beyond ecstatic right now!! I was able to order Cayleigh-Grace one of the custom Baby Be Blessed Dolls!! Hers is one of only 50 that they will be making for their Christmas cart. I am so excited!!! I have been refreshing their site for the past 10 minutes waiting for them to put everything up to buy. I have been wanting to get her one of these dolls since I was pregnant with her but they quit selling the custom ones and they only had a few dolls here and there that were completed to sell and even then they were always sold out.... Did I mention that I am beyond excited!!

This is the doll that I got Cayleigh-Grace it is called Ester Ruth, and she has a headband of course!!

Time

I have had a rough couple of days, the reality of everything is beginning to settle in and to be perfectly honesty I am scared. Scared of just how fast these next 3 months are going to go, between school and soccer. Not to mention just everyday life they are going to fly... and I am not sure if I am ready for that yet. I am not ready to drop my husband off at a hotel and then not hear from him for who knows how long. I know I will talk to him on or around Thanksgiving, and thankfully he will be coming home for Christmas, but then he leaves again... I know it will be okay but it is just so hard to face the unknown and this is a big unknown.

Wordless Wednesday

Upcoming Baby/Toddler Blankets

This is a sample of my upcoming baby/toddler blankets that I will be working on. They are all from Heather Ross Mendocino Mermaid line which I fell in love with. I cannot wait to get started on these blankets but I am being strong and I am making myself finish the two quilts that I already have started for my shop. Plus I have one baby blanket for a sweet little boy who was do to make his grand appearance into this world about thirty minutes ago that needs to be bound and delivered. I cannot wait to see him!! I also have three large quilts that I need to start, thank goodness school starts on Monday! I can finally sit down and get started and finish all of my projects. The three large quilts are for Christmas presents for family and I cannot wait to see how they are going to turn out.

Cayleigh-Grace 11.5 Months

I got up on a mission this morning; I had to take Cayleigh-Grace's 11 month pictures, since I neglected to take her 10 month pictures. So here they are, sorry if its picture overload she is just too dang cute!!

Not Me Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not have a wonderful girls day out yesterday with both my Mom and my daughter. We did not scarf down Chili's 3 for 20 deal, I highly recommend the quesadilla salad it is wonderful!! And the triple shooter desert... wow!

I did not go and try on at least 10 dresses yesterday only to come home and decide to raid my sister' s closets.

I would not be still at a complete loss as to what to wear for my mother-in-laws wedding in 2 weeks.

I did not just look at my calendar and realize that I wrote my daughter's birthday on the wrong date... I do not know what I was thinking putting the first of September instead of the 3rd of September.

I did not have to remove all toys from my son's bedroom this week due to them refusing to clean their rooms. I then did not go on a total cleaning spree and also take out their changing table/hutch dresser and list it on craigslist (less to move in a year right???) Kiale and I then did not completely rearrange the boy's bedroom last night, and I am not at all happy with the results.

I was not blessed with another blanket order this week, and I am not super excited to get the fabric in and start on it.

Lost It!

That's it its official. My boys have absolutely lost it! Kiale and I were burning stuff in the burn pit last night trying to get this house ready to sell before Kiale leaves for boot camp in November since we both know he will not have time to do everything after he leaves. So I send the boys outside to play this morning (its only 9:30...) and then after a while I notice that its quiet, too quiet. As mothers we all know that something bad is happening when things get too quiet, so I go and investigate, and what do I find? Two boys playing in what is left of the fire from last night! KJ says to me, but we wanted to make a fire too. They both know better, I just do not understand what goes through their minds sometimes. Needless to say they are both in bed and not getting out for quite some time. Do they see anything wrong with what they did, nope. There in lies my problem... what am I going to do with two boys that have completely lost their marbles???

Anything Like Me...

This is why I love country music...

Finished Quilt

I actually made for a puppy, but it would be really cute for a baby boy with a puppy themed nursery!

Wordless Wednesday

Boys will be Boys

Its Offical

Well it is official, as of around 6:30ish last night KS was sworn in as a member of the United States Army active duty. Do I know how I feel about this... no. Was I freaking out in Walmart yesterday and had my sweet husband teasing be because I was freaking out, yes. All I could hear walking down the isles was "Mommy's freaking out, Mommy's freaking out" KS kept saying it to the boys in a sing song way to tease me, but to be perfectly frank and honest I am scared to death. My husband will be leaving our home 15 Nov 2009 to go to a hotel and leave for basic training the next morning. Thankfully he will be back home about 4 weeks after that for Christmas Exodus, they give the soldiers 2 weeks to be home with their families for Christmas (Yay!!!). I am so happy that I have three months to get used to the idea of him being gone, although I know that I will never be "used" to the idea. KS will graduate from basic training towards the middle of February, then he will head to AIT school for his MOS and be there by February 24. His school is in Texas. He will be there until September then following that school he will be transferring to Georgia to go to Airborne school for 2 and a half weeks. I am so proud of my husband and what he is doing. I just don't know how I am going to handle being separated from him for roughly 47 weeks... Our boys are proud of him too, both of the on separate occasions last night told KS that they were proud of him for joining the Army.

Not Me or My Child Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not start having second thoughts about Kiale joining the Army when I dropped him off at the hotel last night for his physical this morning.

I am not in complete denial about how long Kiale will be leaving us for (40 weeks+) when he joins the army... I would not be the type of person who lives by the "I'll deal with it when it gets here" motto.

I am not extremely proud of my husband for joining the Army today, he is going into active duty.



I did not have to argue with Little Kiale about why he cannot be home-schooled right now, and the have to convince him to go back to his school at the end of this month.

I do not have one child that wants to be home-schooled and one child that wants to attend school, and those two boys would not proceed to argue about where they will be going to school. Thankfully at the end of the day they were both excited to be going back to their school that they attended last year.

My daughter did not finally learn how to walk really well and she is not walking everywhere now. Goodbye sweet baby crawls!!! You will be very missed.

My daughter did not scarf down 2 pieces of cake at my Dad's birthday party. She is not going to be a blast to watch during her birthday party next month. (do you see her cute shoes?!! I bought them before I even found out she was in fact a she in my womb!!)


Little Kiale did not accidentally hit Colin in the eye with a plastic brush which did not result in giving Colin his first (of many I am sure) black eye.

Wow.

Talk about a busy week/ momentousness week. After doing so well on the ASVAB KS has been playing phone tag with the recruiter, a General (or Commander...) and some other high ranking person off and on all week. He has even had to pleasure of 2 or 3 wonderful trips (lol, its been a busy week and I am loosing count...) to OP for paperwork and such, but at the end of the week things are looking perfect... so here is a look at KS's week...

Monday
ASVAB- rocked it!
Tuesday
Discuss jobs start emailing in paperwork
Wednesday
Talking to some higher ranking official about his 2 minor traffic violations & have a phone interview with someone even higher to get our dependent waiver (which we got YAY!!).
Thursday
Interview with someone else about his 2 minor traffic violations, and the beginning of scrambling around to find our "lost" (thanks for finding it Mom!) Marriage license and my missing birth certificate.
Friday
I go and get a duplicate birth certificate and thankfully the duplicate marriage license that i ordered came in the mail not even 24hrs after I ordered it. KS went back up to OP to take in all of our original documents. He was also able to securely reserve his job and make his appointment to get his physical done Monday.

Friday was an awesome day for KS he was able to get all of his paperwork done for this stage, reserve his job, find out his deployment date for basic training, and find out the lengths and dates for all of his schooling. The job he has his job reserved, but to actually get that job he as to pass the physical Monday and get certain numbers to be able to accept for that job. This was not his number one pick for his job, but it is a job in the same field that he wanted to work. KS was hoping that the overall section of his MOS was going to be open. He is still looking at 2 other potential jobs but that all depends on if they open up by the time he takes his physical on Monday. If they do not become open he will continue with the current MOS.

KS also signed up for Airborne School on Friday as well, so he will get to do an airplane jump during that schooling.

I will update more on Monday after I find out exactly what job he was able to get sworn in with. Like I said everything depends on what he scores on his physical, but without a doubt come Monday afternoon we will officially be an Army family, and I will be an Army Wife! I couldn't be prouder.

ASVAB In Progress

*Update 2* KS scored 30 points above any required points for jobs. He is hoping to become an intelligence analyst and then a counter intelligence analyst (amongst a few other jobs)!!

*Update* KS finished the test, he scored a 95 and has been told that he can pick whatever job he wants. So, he has the pick of the litter job wise so to speak. Hopefully I will have more news after he talks to the recruiter at the office in a little while. *

... I am scared, I am nervous and shaky.... I am totally excited and beyond proud of my husband... I feel as if I am atop the Empire State Building and fixing to jump... I just hope I have a good parachute, and that it fully opens.

Lord, please guide my family right now, and show us your will...

KS scored a 94 out of 99 on the pretest at the recuiter's office, lets hope and pray that he does that well or better on the actual ASVAB. He is taking the ASVAB right now. He looked so nice this morning he was wearing the pants from his black suit, he black short sleeve dress shirt, and dress shoes. He was by all means ready to make a good impression...

11 Months

The past eleven months have flown by. I cannot believe that it has been eleven months since I gave birth to this beautiful baby girl.

Cayleigh-Grace is now walking saying "Hey" "Mama" "Dada" "Yea" and "No No." She is wearing size 4 diapers and is fitting comfortably in size 18 month clothes. She has such a wonderful and joyous personality, it has been such a blessing to have her in our lives.

(she was 4 days old in this picture)

My Quilts/Blankets

Here is a glimpse at what I have been working on lately! If I haven't mentioned it before I LOVE to sew, and quilting has become quite the passion of mine lately.

A 33x33 Baby/Toddler Blanket

Quilted Pillows

52x66 Throw
16x16 & 18x18 Mini Baby Blankets