Friday, August 28, 2009

I do not know how I am going to react to KS leaving, I do not know how I am going to react on the outside or on the inside. Everyone just keeps telling me that, "oh you have to be strong for your kids,"or "they will feed off of you..." blah blah blah. I know that I get that, but that still doesn't help me. Yes I will be a single (but yet married) mother very soon, and I realize that how I react to KS's leaving will set the stage for how our children will react and will remember this time. No, I do not want them to remember Mommy not getting out of bed, or Mommy crying at the drop of a hat, but I cannot help but worry that that is exactly what is going to happen. I am a strong woman, I will admit that, and I can be a bit of a hard ass at times, but the person that I will become without my rock here I do not know.

KS has been my rock and my stability since I was 15 years old. We will be celebrating our 9 year anniversary in January, 9 years since we went on that fated field trip to the museum. 9 years since we first held hands on that bus, and 9 years since we knew we would be together for the rest of our lives. You see, KS and I had been dating 3 months when we decided that we would get married. 3 months. That was all it took to know that we completed each other, and now here we are facing the first of many separations... what will we do without each other?

KS and I together truly make a whole person, I am the outgoing lets go, lets go, lets go type, and he is the calm more anchored one. Were he is one way I am the opposite. When they say that opposites attract they couldn't have got closer to the truth. Although, though the years I think KS and I have become balanced though the experiences we have had growing and being together...

Wouldn't it be nice to have a little looking glass to be able to gaze into the future to see what it holds for you? I do not know how I am going to react to my other half leaving me for such a long time... thank goodness he gets to come home for Christmas. At least we will be able to break ourselves in slowly to no having him home with us every day. We will see him for two weeks then, and then again in February. Its once he starts school that I am really worried about... but as I always say... " I will deal with that when it gets here." My powers of denial are great and many, if I do not want to deal or think about something all I have to do is turn it off in my brain and all is well. Thank goodness, I don't know what I would do if I was a worrier... Thank you Lord for not making me like that, I would probably loose my mind.


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