Saturday, October 17, 2009

Well... I was hoping that after last night I would wake up fine and happy like I have been these past couple of weeks again. Didn't happen. I even got to the point last night where I was asking KS to switch from active duty to active duty reserve so we wouldn't have to move. He just said and I quote... "damn, you need to make up your mind." The problem is is that I will not ever be able to fully make up my mind. I don't think I have ever felt so torn about a decision in my life. On one hand I want my kids to see and experience more than small town USA... and then on the other hand I don't want to take this from them at all, and to be blunt I don't want to leave my family. I have been pushing the sadness about the move away so much that now that it has finally hit me... well once it decided to hit it hit like a freakin Mac truck going 90 and then head on slamming into a brick wall! Basically I want my cake and I want to eat it too (did I ever mention how much I HATE that saying.) I still know that going full active duty is going to be the best route for our family. We are going to pay EVERYTHING off and start fresh debt free (once we sell our house that is) and then from there the world will be my kids playground... so I guess it is time to put my big girl panties on... I just don't think they are fitting very well right now. It might take me a while to grow into them so please bare with me... I am going to need lots of support to get through the next few months if I am going to get through this and still be me at the end of it.


Booklover1212 said...

Charity -

Again, as one military wife to another....it ain't easy, but you do get through it. We had to make a decision to leave our home in Virginia to move to Colorado. I was 8 mos. pregnant when we made that decision. I did NOT want to leave the stability of our home, our friends, our family. But I KNEW that this was the right decision for our family.

God is opening an door of wonderful opportunities for you & your families. It's hard, but approach it with an open mind of adventure and opportunites and the world will be at your feet!

I know how you feel!

~ Jennifer

JG said...

I am so there with you. Myself, I would be happy living in the same part of town (if not the same house) here with a mile from 50 family members for the rest of my life. And maybe if we had kids, this would be a different decision, but I don't think so. We had a long discussion about active vs. reserve (guess who was for which) and it finally ended up with that David just wouldn't be happy not going all the way. My almost-brother-in-law is Army reserve, and it works for him, but that wouldn't have worked for us. So whenever I have those moments where I start to think about missing my brother getting his first car or graduating high school or my sister graduating college, I remember how this is really the only way it will all work out. This makes me sound much less selfish than I am, but I had a year of seeing my husband flounder in a job where he wasn't truly fulfilled. Anytime I get cold feet, I remember that and it helps bolster me some.

Anonymous said...

I understand your feelings. I'd be the same way. As the time is growing nearer, you are getting in a bit of a panic mode. You will both grow and be stronger people when all is said and done. Hang in there! Imagine the experiences that you will share and the new people that you will meet. Blessings, Kathy

Brittany and Charlie-Social Butterfly said...

Those decisions are the worst but it will all work out for the best!

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